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And you fear it. I was waiting in line, watching the construction of some assholes ‘Jizz-Capped-Mocha flapped Grandé Brouhaha’ (remember when we just drank coffee?) when I popped my phone open and came across this question. Next to me stood a friend, so I asked him. Unfortunately, he gave me an answer: “You’re like an inoperable tumor that one learns to accept and eventually think of as beautiful. You’re odd, bizarre, and jarring, I can’t believe a thing like you exists. I’ve embraced you because I’m fascinated. Some things in life you just can’t turn away from, no matter how disturbing.”


Although my friend’s scathing commentary can alternately thrill, amuse or aggravate, it’s consoling that his head resembles that of a molting ostrich. Some men aren’t meant to be bald but they are anyway. Nature’s cruel and time’s a busy bitch. Look, I’m in my 30’s and have played video games since I was 5. They don’t grow your brain. They might help you come up with clever ideas, but mostly that is just learning to manipulate the mechanics of a single creative space, being that one game. They really aren’t that useful in the real world.

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